she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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