You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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