I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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