I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
