he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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