If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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