I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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