i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
