wat bout pragnant strippers??
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize