OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
