If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
