I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
