If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
