you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Betty ford says i'm here all night
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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