I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
