Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
