Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize