last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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