i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
