Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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