something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize