We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
