So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
