the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
