Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
