I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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