This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
