if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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