i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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