it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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