well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
