Can Purell be used as lube?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
