i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
