he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
