i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
