It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
