I wanna passion pit in your ass
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
