I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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