Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
