I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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