How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
