no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
