dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
barbara walters just said penis...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize