glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
