babies were throwing up all over the place
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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