Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
