i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
