Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
