It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
