I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
