I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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