apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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