I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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