It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize