Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
