my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize