When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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