I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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