Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
