I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
