Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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