70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize