My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
