He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
