I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Randomize
