Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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