I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Alive.
So much puke
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
