IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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