you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize