the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
