What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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