So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
