I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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