How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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