I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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