thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
