No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think my moral compass just broke
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize