i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
