last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
