They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
