He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
only if we run a train.
done.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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