I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
