I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
