but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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