is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
