You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
