his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
