I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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