My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize