get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
