Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just googled if crying burns calories
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
