My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
