Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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