My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
