You're so nebulous sometimes
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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