I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
